‘You can't have kids, or you won't get promoted': Boss warns employee they won't be given promotion if they have kids, employee seeks legal advice

Author image for Eleonora Bader
Eleonora Bader
Jul 19, 2023 1:00 PM EDT

Some managers just don't have the brains or the cells that are supposed to accompany them in order to lead a team. In this case, OP was working in finance, and like many other employees in similar shoes, she was hoping that one day she could get a promotion. Her dream was basically crushed by her boss who told her that if she was gonna have kids in the next few years, there was no way she was getting promoted. First of all, that's very illegal. Second of all, what did her boss expect her to do, just not have kids? OP was shocked at her boss's behavior and had a hunch that something wasn't quite right. So she did what anyone else would do… she turned to r/careeradvice.

She explained the entire bizarre situation, and luckily a lot of people who had gone through similar things had a lot of good advice to give. Not to mention lawyers who gave their own legal advice. Scroll down to read exactly how it all played out. For more, here is a story about HR quashing an employee's raise, leading to the entire company tanking.

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  • 01
    Font - Posted by u/veggies4evr 2 days ago Boss says I can't have kids I work in finance and was told that I cannot be promoted if I have kids. I am also a young woman and plan to have kids in 2 years or so. I am
    via u/veggies4evr
  • 02
    Font - unable to switch careers or companies easily due to my specialized skills. Should I stay put and deal with HR when I finally have kids or just find another job?
    via u/veggies4evr
  • 03
    Font - Also, this no-kids rule is not a real rule. Plenty of people in my industry have kids and my company has a generous maternity leave policy.
    via u/veggies4evr
  • 04
    Font - Edit: For clarification, I am in the US. My boss verbally mentioned this to me a few times and even told my husband at a social event. I'll look into legal options when the time comes and try to get a recording of it if I can't get it in writing. Thanks for all the advice!
    via u/veggies4evr
  • 05
    Facial expression - AdditionalAttorney. 3 days ago 2 + I'd get this in writing so that you have it in your back pocket.
    via u/AdditionalAttorney
  • 06
    Font - "Hi boss thank you for your guidance I appreciated it., just to be clear I understood, your sense is that in our department one can't be promoted if/once they have children. If there's
    via u/AdditionalAttorney
  • 07
    Font - any additional context i should be aware of for my career growth please let me know" And then live your life as is... if and when you get
    via u/AdditionalAttorney
  • 08
    Font - passed up for a promotion pregnant or have children, whip out that email... bc you're I also may consult an employment attorney for
    via u/AdditionalAttorney
  • 09
    Font - guidance on what type of documentation to keep. But chances are your boss will deny they said that. Or maybe they're dumb and won't. 329 Reply Share
    via u/veggies4evrAdditionalAttorney
  • 10
    Font - k3bly · 2 days ago OP, I'm in HR, and follow this advice - you must get this in writing in case something happens. If your boss has more than 5 brain cells, which is questionable given what he
    via u/k3bly
  • 11
    Font - said to you, he'll likely backtrack in email. Can you switch to another team within the company? 150 Reply Share
    via u/k3bly
  • 12
    Font - owlpellet 2 days ago "Don't worry, I'm never having kids. NEVER. NEVER." Then do whatever you want. Take your full maternity leave. Then quit, or don't.
    via u/owlpellet
  • 13
    Font - It's illegal to ask. It's illegal to withhold promotion. So f k them. You need a new employer though, these people suck. Reply Share 53
    via u/owlpellet
  • 14
    Font - GotQuilt 1 day ago edited 1 day ago As someone who has looked at taking legal action against a company, I'm going to make another suggestion because legal action is time consuming and expensive. Everything is out of your own pocket unless you
    via u/GotQuilt_
  • 15
    Font - win which could take YEARS. As no promotion has actually been offered or declined for you, the question of whether or not you WOULD have been promoted leaves too much gray area even in my non-legal opinion. Legal
    via u/GotQuilt_
  • 16
    Font - action sounds nice but the reality is a nightmare. I'm reading between the lines in your post, but it sounds like you do like this company. Given they have a generous ML plan, they likely would be abhorred to hear your boss make the comment
    via u/GotQuilt_
  • 17
    Font - that he did. It's your boss that is muddying the waters so it's your boss I would hold accountable, not the company. I still would take action on this in a proactive way. I would schedule a meeting with an HR representative and your boss into a meeting and address this professionally and
    via u/GotQuilt_
  • 18
    Font - head on. Do NOT make the meeting about correcting the comment. Instead focus on clarifying what factors contribute to eligibility(!) for a promotion. Ask for written confirmation to follow about what factors were identified, thank everyone for their time, and move on.
    via u/GotQuilt_
  • 19
    Font - This will allow two things to happen: 1. You have given a clear message to HR about the boss's behavior. They will be highly aware of the inappropriateness of his/her comments. It sounds crazy, but your boss
    via u/GotQuilt_
  • 20
    Font - likely doesn't realize the legal implications of what he/she is saying. The best outcome is they learn this lesson and never say it again. If your boss DOES say it again, then ramp up to even more assertive tactics. Additionally, in my
    via u/GotQuilt_
  • 21
    Font - experience, HR will not directly correct or reprimand your boss in front of you during your meeting - ESPECIALLY because there are legal consequences and they will not want to draw your attention to that if you
    via u/GotQuilt_
  • 22
    Font - aren't already actively bringing that into the discussion. They will handle him/her separately, but this will be serious for them. (This boss may already have been reprimanded for this type of comment too which means they need another
    via u/GotQuilt_
  • 23
    Font - level of action taken. This is why I would not address 1x1 and make sure HR is present.) C. You now have written confirmation about what items you need to focus on for eligibility for promotion. You probably already knew
    via u/GotQuilt_
  • 24
    Font - these, but this makes it unmistakably clear. If you don't already, use 1x1s or quarterly/biannual performance conversations to specifically target feedback on these particular items. Beat the performance horse to
    via u/GotQuilt_
  • 25
    Font - d₁ h (professionally of course) until there's no doubt you'd be eligible. If things start getting fishy, return to HR on your own to address your concerns. Your previous complaint, coupled with evidence against the feedback of the
    via u/GotQuilt_
  • 26
    Font - boss, will open doors to things like a second party also scoring your performance or interviews with other peers you work alongside or around.
    via u/GotQuilt_
  • 27
    Font - Last, I highly suggest considering job hunting a little. There's often much more out there than you think, even for niche job positions - sometimes the hire rate is actually much higher for these kinds of positions because so few people are qualified for them. You might get an offer
    via u/GotQuilt_
  • 28
    Font - from another company, resign at your current company, and then your current company gives you the promotion you want with an even higher raise to match the competing offer. In my time in business, I've seen just as many,
    via u/GotQuilt_
  • 29
    Font - if not more, people promoted because they tried to quit. This bypasses ever even having to worry about your performance review or your boss's opinion on the matter ever again. It's a ballsy gamble, so do make sure you actually WANT the job offer you were given.
    via u/GotQuilt_
  • 30
    Font - Personal story time - At my last job, I was pretty miserable and underpaid so I started looking for another job. I interviewed and got an offer for a dream position - doing better work, with better benefits, and double the pay of my current job. I gleefully put in my two weeks notice. In
    via u/GotQuilt_
  • 31
    Font - the scramble for them to keep me, they offered me a position with double the pay with a promotion 2 levels up to make it work. I wouldn't have even been qualified for it! It made absolutely no sense! There was
    via u/GotQuilt_
  • 32
    Font - no way I was staying, but, dan, I had just spent 2 years begging to be paid at the market rate and now they were just throwing out what essentially was a double promotion. Absolute insanity! If you decide to follow any of my advice and want more feedback, feel free to PM me.
    via u/GotQuilt_
  • 33
    Font - Baby_Hippos Swimming. 3 days ago I'm pretty sure it's illegal to tell you that. ↑ 1.6k Reply Share
    via u/Baby_Hippos_Swimming

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